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The Fairest of Them All

Ladies and Gents! Well actually just gents in this case, with this contender, although the last person I was hit on by previous to this post was female, very pretty – but still not my type. Welcome one and all to the ‘Selfie Olympics’, in one corner we have our first contender, Auburn hair, hazel eyes, fair skin and coming in at – erm, let’s not go there pounds, Molly M! Boasting a bachelors degree in Communications and Digital Media and a love for Scrabble, she’s drawn her seven letters and they spell R-O-M-A-N-C-E! At the other side of the arena, we have seemingly the other half of the female population, coming in at blonde, gorgeous, impossibly slim, doctorate holding and blindingly beautiful at just under a hundred pounds! She’s also holding a puppy & the Nobel Prize! We might as well just call her Mrs. Charming right now! Who will win at this game of love, lies, lead-ons and leave-offs? Why don’t you take a guess?

Sarcasm aside, no matter which Top 3 North American dating site you choose, the first thing any potential match sees is your picture. Which is understandable. We, as a society, are ultimately obsessed with looks, figure and form and place them before almost anything else except possibly income. I know I’m amongst many who claim ‘appearance doesn’t matter’ to them. But it does. It has to. As much as I place importance on the content of their character through reading their profile, if I don’t look at their picture and feel some sort of connection or to be cliché but truthful, ‘a spark’, they will be passed over and in eHarmony’s case, no smile will be sent their way, initiating potential interaction.

So after hours of going through selfies, and realizing I am MUCH more vain and narcissistic than I thought – something I’ll probably leave OFF my dating profile, I came to the conclusion that I could not do this alone. To Facebook! I shouted valiantly, selecting my final four choices and setting up a poll on the world’s most popular social media site – using the convenient excuse that it was for a ‘school project’ – which it is…kind of…technically. But more on the social stigma of using dating sites later, and the corroboration of that stigma with the age of user.

I’ll show you the four photos I picked out, and I want to hear your feedback. Which would you choose if you were me? And why? What does each minute detail of my appearance do to describe my character? Does curly/waved hair indicate a certain vanity or focus on appearance as I’ve obviously taken the time to do this? Same goes for make-up style: immaculate and model-perfect or natural but maybe does less to bring out your features? Does a tilted head project an air of innocence and curiosity? Does the Mona Lisa smile win out, mysterious and alluring, or do/will men prefer the open mouthed, teeth showing full grin. I’ll let you know next post which I chose to be my primary photo on the site, and which picture ‘won’ amongst family and friends on Facebook. But now I ask you, strangers of the internet who do not know me save for the details I’ve included in my posts. Will it be A, B, C, or D and why?

poll

Be brutal, there’s no way I can track you down!

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Shell Out, Sell Out.

When the media industry told us through song and film that ‘Love Don’t Cost a Thing’, they certainly weren’t referring to the services of matchmaking website Eharmony. However, it’s also a commonly known fact that you ‘pay for the best’ and that ‘nothing in life is free’ and so here I sit, tentatively entering those last three numbers that will confirm my payment for a year’s subscription to the site. Is it worth it? That’s partially what I’m here to find out. The other part of me is truly interested in seeing if Eharmony can match me with someone who at least sort of fits the mold of Prince Charming, or at least doesn’t resemble a mountain troll. Boy…did they ever!

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So I broke down and bought a year’s subscription. Because COME ON! Show me sample matches like that (see above for actual screenshot of my matches) and you’ll have me flat…well, you’ll have me. Besides, a girl can never resist a good sale coupon and my code got me 20% off. It feels a little strange to be ‘bartering’ for love. Love should be precious, priceless, untouched and unworried by the soil of human greed. But alas, this is not the way it works in our fallen, modern world…but enough soliloquizing. I think that tendency towards drama and theatrics that comes out in my speech is one of the things that puts guys off. They don’t want to have to think too hard, since it is scientifically proven that women are stronger in areas of language and deciphering emotion. Men are technical. And I? I am NOT strong in areas regarding tech. I just hit things when they break.

For men, it’s more mechanical. Literal love that is shown by actions. There’s nothing wrong with that, in a way doesn’t that create a perfect match? It’s so lovely and so comforting to think that in areas where you are lacking, he can step up to the plate, and in areas where he may be weaker, you can step in and fill whatever void there is. However instead of these two ‘pieces’ fitting together I think that more often than not they clash, stating that one doesn’t ‘understand’ the other.

These differences and our understanding of them, is what makes websites like Eharmony or Match.com so successful. Because they become the middle man, deciphering and moderating between two people based on the questions they have to answer regarding their personality and views on certain subjects.

 

Now we’ve gotten through the survey and the tests, we take the plunge…or rather, our credit limit takes the plunge. Gulp – talk about fear of commitment!

eh3

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Kiss a Frog, Start a Blog

Shout out to every awesome person who is reading this blog, yes you – and you, and hopefully a third you, or fourth.

So here’s the gist. Three major things happened to me over the last year:

  1. I lost 100 lbs. (see bottom of post for before/after picture)
  2. I had brain surgery on my birthday.
  3. I decided to use a dating site for the first time.

Now let’s backtrack a little to the title – these are both are things I’m determined to do for this next year coming, although from reading above you’ll probably agree with me that 2017 is going to be a tough year to beat! Going through the first two things on my list made me determined and gave me the confidence (not a lot, just a little, but enough) to go after my own fairy tale & seek out my happy ending, or at least a date. Because that’s right, ladies and gents. I am 24 years old & have never been kissed, or even been on a first date. And no, you wouldn’t be the first people to tell me this is a sad thing indeed.

So how did we get here? I’ll give you my thoughts… It may partly have been because of my weight. I could say that it was a side effect of becoming increasingly ill leading up to my surgery. But mostly, I think it’s because although people may describe me as an extrovert and someone who is good with people. This is an act. One I have perfected over the years so that my seeming to be friendly and open, is actually a ruse – one manufactured to keep people away, faaaar away from me so that I can sit, on my couch, with my tea & my Netflix and spend my life that way, till death do us part.

But part we must…

Fast forward to this moment, as I take my chances with Lady Luck. Because “Luck be a Lady”…So let’s get lucky already! This lady is READY for it. Alright, that was a lie. I’m not totally ready, in fact I’m scared shitless, there’s no other word for it, and I would know as an ex-English major. But I’m finally opening myself up to the possibility that somewhere out there might be someone who I could bear to spend the rest of my life with, maybe.

You are going to be with me as I sign up for eHarmony, one of the leading dating sites in North America, because surely, SURELY there has got to be someone on this continent for me who isn’t a troll, pervert, narcissist, misogynist or convicted felon and who also loves Meryl Streep and Law & Order: SVU as much as I do, or at least accepts that there are 3 people in our relationship (I jest…kind of).

You are going to be my metaphorical best friends, the ones I turn to when I think I’ve found a guy, or if a guy messages me more than once or breaks my heart when he’s ‘moved on’ (that’s eHarmony speak for ‘umm, no thanks’) and YOU get to hear the juicy details (pray God there are some) exclusively. My lips will be sealed, but my fingers are free to roam.

A lady never kisses and tells, but no one said anything about typing.

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