Questions/Polls, Uncategorized

ONE IMPORTANT QUESTION

Rules for Ending a ‘Relationship’…

When does seeing someone get significant enough that you’re ‘breaking up’ when you end the relationship?

What do you think the rules are in online dating, compared to ‘traditional’ dating. I see so many posts about how it’s a terrible thing to break up by text or even phone instead of in person.

But I’ve met these guys ONLINE, we’ve had the majority of our contact be over the phone or by TEXT. Doesn’t it only make sense that you would break up that way?

Even though I have had face to face dates with these guys, none of them have ‘made it’ past the second date. I haven’t even kissed them!

If I were a guy, no joking, I would PREFER to be broken up with over text or phone as long as I was able to get closure from that measure of contact. It would help me to save face, and not let my emotions show or embarrass me as though I were standing in front of her.

If I were a girl (which, duh, I am), I would STILL rather be broken up with by text assuming our relationship hasn’t been going on longer than a few months.

Am I crazy? Am I doing the right thing by texting my ‘breakups’. It saves them from having to make the trip all the way to meet only to be broken up with.

Please let me know in comments. If I’m being a bitch by texting (and if you read my posts, you’ll see exactly what I wrote), I want to know!

I’m no relationship expert, that’s the whole point of this blog.

So thoughts? comments? advice? criticism?

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Off the Table Topics (See above)

So I’m going through my list of things I shouldn’t add to my profile and probably not talk about on a first date, or a second, or a fifth and I start thinking (always dangerous, frequently warned not to). If a guy chooses whether or not to date me based on characteristics, likes or dislikes I can control or moderate that’s one thing. But there are certain things about yourself you cannot change (my obsession with Meryl Streep being caught between these two categories). For instance, some things I would not mention on a first date at this point in my life are as follows:

  1. The fact that I had brain surgery this year
  2. The fact that because of that brain surgery I lost all my hair
  3. Due to the above reasons, I wear a wig.

For a lot of guys, I feel they would want to stay away from someone who had brain surgery because they’re scared of the unknown – if I’m permanently mentally disabled or damaged and whether I would act and talk like a ‘normal’ person.

And the truth is, no. I don’t act and talk like a normal person. But that has nothing to do with the surgery, and everything to do with who I am as a person – unique unto myself.

And number 4 on the list:

4. I lost 100 lbs. last year

Now there are two ways you can look at this, 1. Oh my god, she’s going to gain all the weight back and be a ‘fatty’ again. and 2. Hey, you know that’s really impressive. It shows she has drive and discipline, and probably goes to the gym more often than I do.

But even if the answer to number 4 was positive, it still wouldn’t be something I would bring up as a subject in the beginning stages of a relationship eve if I did want to impress a guy with something I had done. So instead, I use the example of my having seen every episode of Law & Order SVU at least three times, which makes the transition to the next item on the list that much easier.

I also write, some original, some poetry and songs, but also fanfiction – which gets a terrible rap and yet so many I know have admitted to at least reading, if not writing it. I confess to being an active writer of both male/female relationships and female/female if the show warrants it (which some people think odd considering I’m straight/Christian) But there is in all reality a social stigma that causes misrepresentation of personality based on stereotyping.

The theme of unfair stereotypes travels over nicely into my next topic of mental health, which makes number six on the list. But in all seriousness, even as mental health becomes more and more of a visible issue and evokes more conversation surrounding it, no one still really like to talk about it. Especially the ones who ‘have it’. And guess what – I have it. Big time. I was diagnosed with depression when I was 13, with consecutive diagnoses of generalized and acute anxiety disorders which all led to a conclusive diagnosis of Bipolar Type II as soon as I turned 18, which is the youngest they are allowed to diagnose severe mental illnesses in more cases in Canada.

No one wants to date a ‘crazy’ girl with serious health problems who is prone to obesity, obsessive compulsiveness and irrationality even if it is a side effect of the disease requiring her to have surgery in the first place.

See? That could have been my profile on eHarmony too.

If a guy came to me with this laundry list of attributes on a first date, I’d probably run for the hills too!

My hair has started to grow back in, 6 months after surgery. But the rest of the items on this list will follow me for the rest of my life. And at some point, you need to reveal these items to the person you are in a relationship with or they will feel that you’ve been lying or hiding secrets from them. And it’s only fair to know what you’re getting into when you vow ‘for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health’.

I’m curious to know whether it’s harder for men or women to reveal any ‘flaws’ about themselves & why? Is it truly due to social stigma and sexual stereotypes that we fear it?

So I have two questions for you, and please share your input both for my sake and for others reading this blog looking for answers and any other input you have about this topic.

What are your no-go’s when it comes to talking about yourself on a first date(s)?

How long into a relationship before you start divulging these private details?

If you feel like your partner has something to hide, how do you deal with it? Do couples have to know everything about each other?

 

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Kiss a Frog, Start a Blog

Shout out to every awesome person who is reading this blog, yes you – and you, and hopefully a third you, or fourth.

So here’s the gist. Three major things happened to me over the last year:

  1. I lost 100 lbs. (see bottom of post for before/after picture)
  2. I had brain surgery on my birthday.
  3. I decided to use a dating site for the first time.

Now let’s backtrack a little to the title – these are both are things I’m determined to do for this next year coming, although from reading above you’ll probably agree with me that 2017 is going to be a tough year to beat! Going through the first two things on my list made me determined and gave me the confidence (not a lot, just a little, but enough) to go after my own fairy tale & seek out my happy ending, or at least a date. Because that’s right, ladies and gents. I am 24 years old & have never been kissed, or even been on a first date. And no, you wouldn’t be the first people to tell me this is a sad thing indeed.

So how did we get here? I’ll give you my thoughts… It may partly have been because of my weight. I could say that it was a side effect of becoming increasingly ill leading up to my surgery. But mostly, I think it’s because although people may describe me as an extrovert and someone who is good with people. This is an act. One I have perfected over the years so that my seeming to be friendly and open, is actually a ruse – one manufactured to keep people away, faaaar away from me so that I can sit, on my couch, with my tea & my Netflix and spend my life that way, till death do us part.

But part we must…

Fast forward to this moment, as I take my chances with Lady Luck. Because “Luck be a Lady”…So let’s get lucky already! This lady is READY for it. Alright, that was a lie. I’m not totally ready, in fact I’m scared shitless, there’s no other word for it, and I would know as an ex-English major. But I’m finally opening myself up to the possibility that somewhere out there might be someone who I could bear to spend the rest of my life with, maybe.

You are going to be with me as I sign up for eHarmony, one of the leading dating sites in North America, because surely, SURELY there has got to be someone on this continent for me who isn’t a troll, pervert, narcissist, misogynist or convicted felon and who also loves Meryl Streep and Law & Order: SVU as much as I do, or at least accepts that there are 3 people in our relationship (I jest…kind of).

You are going to be my metaphorical best friends, the ones I turn to when I think I’ve found a guy, or if a guy messages me more than once or breaks my heart when he’s ‘moved on’ (that’s eHarmony speak for ‘umm, no thanks’) and YOU get to hear the juicy details (pray God there are some) exclusively. My lips will be sealed, but my fingers are free to roam.

A lady never kisses and tells, but no one said anything about typing.

PicMonkey Collageed2