Questions/Polls, Uncategorized

ONE IMPORTANT QUESTION

Rules for Ending a ‘Relationship’…

When does seeing someone get significant enough that you’re ‘breaking up’ when you end the relationship?

What do you think the rules are in online dating, compared to ‘traditional’ dating. I see so many posts about how it’s a terrible thing to break up by text or even phone instead of in person.

But I’ve met these guys ONLINE, we’ve had the majority of our contact be over the phone or by TEXT. Doesn’t it only make sense that you would break up that way?

Even though I have had face to face dates with these guys, none of them have ‘made it’ past the second date. I haven’t even kissed them!

If I were a guy, no joking, I would PREFER to be broken up with over text or phone as long as I was able to get closure from that measure of contact. It would help me to save face, and not let my emotions show or embarrass me as though I were standing in front of her.

If I were a girl (which, duh, I am), I would STILL rather be broken up with by text assuming our relationship hasn’t been going on longer than a few months.

Am I crazy? Am I doing the right thing by texting my ‘breakups’. It saves them from having to make the trip all the way to meet only to be broken up with.

Please let me know in comments. If I’m being a bitch by texting (and if you read my posts, you’ll see exactly what I wrote), I want to know!

I’m no relationship expert, that’s the whole point of this blog.

So thoughts? comments? advice? criticism?

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Off the Table Topics (See above)

So I’m going through my list of things I shouldn’t add to my profile and probably not talk about on a first date, or a second, or a fifth and I start thinking (always dangerous, frequently warned not to). If a guy chooses whether or not to date me based on characteristics, likes or dislikes I can control or moderate that’s one thing. But there are certain things about yourself you cannot change (my obsession with Meryl Streep being caught between these two categories). For instance, some things I would not mention on a first date at this point in my life are as follows:

  1. The fact that I had brain surgery this year
  2. The fact that because of that brain surgery I lost all my hair
  3. Due to the above reasons, I wear a wig.

For a lot of guys, I feel they would want to stay away from someone who had brain surgery because they’re scared of the unknown – if I’m permanently mentally disabled or damaged and whether I would act and talk like a ‘normal’ person.

And the truth is, no. I don’t act and talk like a normal person. But that has nothing to do with the surgery, and everything to do with who I am as a person – unique unto myself.

And number 4 on the list:

4. I lost 100 lbs. last year

Now there are two ways you can look at this, 1. Oh my god, she’s going to gain all the weight back and be a ‘fatty’ again. and 2. Hey, you know that’s really impressive. It shows she has drive and discipline, and probably goes to the gym more often than I do.

But even if the answer to number 4 was positive, it still wouldn’t be something I would bring up as a subject in the beginning stages of a relationship eve if I did want to impress a guy with something I had done. So instead, I use the example of my having seen every episode of Law & Order SVU at least three times, which makes the transition to the next item on the list that much easier.

I also write, some original, some poetry and songs, but also fanfiction – which gets a terrible rap and yet so many I know have admitted to at least reading, if not writing it. I confess to being an active writer of both male/female relationships and female/female if the show warrants it (which some people think odd considering I’m straight/Christian) But there is in all reality a social stigma that causes misrepresentation of personality based on stereotyping.

The theme of unfair stereotypes travels over nicely into my next topic of mental health, which makes number six on the list. But in all seriousness, even as mental health becomes more and more of a visible issue and evokes more conversation surrounding it, no one still really like to talk about it. Especially the ones who ‘have it’. And guess what – I have it. Big time. I was diagnosed with depression when I was 13, with consecutive diagnoses of generalized and acute anxiety disorders which all led to a conclusive diagnosis of Bipolar Type II as soon as I turned 18, which is the youngest they are allowed to diagnose severe mental illnesses in more cases in Canada.

No one wants to date a ‘crazy’ girl with serious health problems who is prone to obesity, obsessive compulsiveness and irrationality even if it is a side effect of the disease requiring her to have surgery in the first place.

See? That could have been my profile on eHarmony too.

If a guy came to me with this laundry list of attributes on a first date, I’d probably run for the hills too!

My hair has started to grow back in, 6 months after surgery. But the rest of the items on this list will follow me for the rest of my life. And at some point, you need to reveal these items to the person you are in a relationship with or they will feel that you’ve been lying or hiding secrets from them. And it’s only fair to know what you’re getting into when you vow ‘for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health’.

I’m curious to know whether it’s harder for men or women to reveal any ‘flaws’ about themselves & why? Is it truly due to social stigma and sexual stereotypes that we fear it?

So I have two questions for you, and please share your input both for my sake and for others reading this blog looking for answers and any other input you have about this topic.

What are your no-go’s when it comes to talking about yourself on a first date(s)?

How long into a relationship before you start divulging these private details?

If you feel like your partner has something to hide, how do you deal with it? Do couples have to know everything about each other?

 

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The Fairest of Them All

Ladies and Gents! Well actually just gents in this case, with this contender, although the last person I was hit on by previous to this post was female, very pretty – but still not my type. Welcome one and all to the ‘Selfie Olympics’, in one corner we have our first contender, Auburn hair, hazel eyes, fair skin and coming in at – erm, let’s not go there pounds, Molly M! Boasting a bachelors degree in Communications and Digital Media and a love for Scrabble, she’s drawn her seven letters and they spell R-O-M-A-N-C-E! At the other side of the arena, we have seemingly the other half of the female population, coming in at blonde, gorgeous, impossibly slim, doctorate holding and blindingly beautiful at just under a hundred pounds! She’s also holding a puppy & the Nobel Prize! We might as well just call her Mrs. Charming right now! Who will win at this game of love, lies, lead-ons and leave-offs? Why don’t you take a guess?

Sarcasm aside, no matter which Top 3 North American dating site you choose, the first thing any potential match sees is your picture. Which is understandable. We, as a society, are ultimately obsessed with looks, figure and form and place them before almost anything else except possibly income. I know I’m amongst many who claim ‘appearance doesn’t matter’ to them. But it does. It has to. As much as I place importance on the content of their character through reading their profile, if I don’t look at their picture and feel some sort of connection or to be cliché but truthful, ‘a spark’, they will be passed over and in eHarmony’s case, no smile will be sent their way, initiating potential interaction.

So after hours of going through selfies, and realizing I am MUCH more vain and narcissistic than I thought – something I’ll probably leave OFF my dating profile, I came to the conclusion that I could not do this alone. To Facebook! I shouted valiantly, selecting my final four choices and setting up a poll on the world’s most popular social media site – using the convenient excuse that it was for a ‘school project’ – which it is…kind of…technically. But more on the social stigma of using dating sites later, and the corroboration of that stigma with the age of user.

I’ll show you the four photos I picked out, and I want to hear your feedback. Which would you choose if you were me? And why? What does each minute detail of my appearance do to describe my character? Does curly/waved hair indicate a certain vanity or focus on appearance as I’ve obviously taken the time to do this? Same goes for make-up style: immaculate and model-perfect or natural but maybe does less to bring out your features? Does a tilted head project an air of innocence and curiosity? Does the Mona Lisa smile win out, mysterious and alluring, or do/will men prefer the open mouthed, teeth showing full grin. I’ll let you know next post which I chose to be my primary photo on the site, and which picture ‘won’ amongst family and friends on Facebook. But now I ask you, strangers of the internet who do not know me save for the details I’ve included in my posts. Will it be A, B, C, or D and why?

poll

Be brutal, there’s no way I can track you down!

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Shell Out, Sell Out.

When the media industry told us through song and film that ‘Love Don’t Cost a Thing’, they certainly weren’t referring to the services of matchmaking website Eharmony. However, it’s also a commonly known fact that you ‘pay for the best’ and that ‘nothing in life is free’ and so here I sit, tentatively entering those last three numbers that will confirm my payment for a year’s subscription to the site. Is it worth it? That’s partially what I’m here to find out. The other part of me is truly interested in seeing if Eharmony can match me with someone who at least sort of fits the mold of Prince Charming, or at least doesn’t resemble a mountain troll. Boy…did they ever!

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So I broke down and bought a year’s subscription. Because COME ON! Show me sample matches like that (see above for actual screenshot of my matches) and you’ll have me flat…well, you’ll have me. Besides, a girl can never resist a good sale coupon and my code got me 20% off. It feels a little strange to be ‘bartering’ for love. Love should be precious, priceless, untouched and unworried by the soil of human greed. But alas, this is not the way it works in our fallen, modern world…but enough soliloquizing. I think that tendency towards drama and theatrics that comes out in my speech is one of the things that puts guys off. They don’t want to have to think too hard, since it is scientifically proven that women are stronger in areas of language and deciphering emotion. Men are technical. And I? I am NOT strong in areas regarding tech. I just hit things when they break.

For men, it’s more mechanical. Literal love that is shown by actions. There’s nothing wrong with that, in a way doesn’t that create a perfect match? It’s so lovely and so comforting to think that in areas where you are lacking, he can step up to the plate, and in areas where he may be weaker, you can step in and fill whatever void there is. However instead of these two ‘pieces’ fitting together I think that more often than not they clash, stating that one doesn’t ‘understand’ the other.

These differences and our understanding of them, is what makes websites like Eharmony or Match.com so successful. Because they become the middle man, deciphering and moderating between two people based on the questions they have to answer regarding their personality and views on certain subjects.

 

Now we’ve gotten through the survey and the tests, we take the plunge…or rather, our credit limit takes the plunge. Gulp – talk about fear of commitment!

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